Tuscan Lakes

Shot taken nearby Houston, in a sunny day, as you can see...

Many thanks for your comments on my last post with the Dynamo girl!

Today's joke:

A guy goes to the Government to interview for a job. The interviewer asks him:
"Are you a veteran?"
The guy says:
"Why yes, in fact, I served two tours inVietnam."
"Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have any service-related disabilities?"
The guy says:
"In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, though."
"Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10, and we'll get you started."
The guy says:
"If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?"
"Well, here at the government, we don't do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. No point of your coming in for that"

Forza Dynamo! (2)

Just a redo of the picture I've posted a month ago... changed the background with the Robertson Stadium, the home of Dynamo...

Today's joke:

Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate:
"My mother-in-law is an angel".
The reply from his friend......
"You're so lucky... Mine's still alive..."

Galleria

Last night I went to downtown in Houston, looking for the traditional Christmas lights decorations, but seriously, the downtown was looking more like an abandoned city than a city on Christmas. Just a very few walkers, some more homeless dudes, and that's it! Then my brother proposed Galleria, a town next to Houston, a place where he said is inhabited by rich people and for sure the City Hall spent more money to put some Christmas decorations on streets. And he was right!

And a joke for the cold season!

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
They had gone to see "Closed for the Winter"!

Santa Comes To School

I took this shot tonight at a school from the neighborhood...

Forza Dynamo!

This is a mixture of some shots, including the Dynamo Girl (she's a cheerleader), taken last summer at Robertson Stadium...

Today's joke:

An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in.
"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies:
"Get out. You're in my side!"

Have a candy!

Actually they're bubble gum!
Shot taken tonight at Almeda Mall in Houston, TX

Sunset

Evening colors in Houston, TX

Happy Frowns

Shot taken at the halftime of the Dynamo's game (vs. Real Salt Lake).

Today's joke:

Two Albanians were chatting:
-Did you hear that we gonna build cars in our country?
-Yes, I heard that! They will have a three gears automatic transmission: slow, very slow, and stop!

Clouds and concrete

A quick shot while approaching Houston on route US-59

We Are the Orange!

Three shots from the Houston Dynamo's Sunday game...

We Are the Orange!





Hey, Dynamo just scored... again!




Celebrating the victory





Today's joke:



A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said:
"Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished."
The Irishman nodded in acknowledgment.
As the match started, the Irishman and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.
Suddenly, there was a long, high-pitched scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Irishman collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.
The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked:
"How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"
The wrestler answered:
"Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could."
The trainer exclaimed:
"That's what finished him off?"
"Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own nuts!"

Lightning Storm (II)

That's another shot taken last night by my brother... of course, it happened again in Houston, TX

Today's joke:

A guy goes to the Government to interview for a job. The interviewer asks him:
- Are you a veteran?
The guy says:
- Why yes, in fact, I served two tours in Vietnam.
- Good, says the interviewer, that counts in your favor. Do you have any service-related disabilities?
The guy says:
- In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, though.
- Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10, and we'll get you started.
The guy says:
- If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?
- Well, here at the government, we don't do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. No point of your coming in for that!

Lightning Storm

A huge lightning storm was last night in Houston. This shot was taken by my little brother, Oliver!


Did you know... While both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, according to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen - had to be a girl. We should've known. Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost....

Forever Orange

A shot taken during the halftime break at the Robertson Stadium. Postworked with PIP10

Today's joke:

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, old retired golfer in his late 60's and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties.
The circus owner tells them:
- I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?
The girl says:
- I'll go first!
She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.
The Circus Owners jaw is on the floor... He says:
- I've never seen a display like that in my life.
He then turns to the retired golfer and asks:
- Can you top that?
The tough old golfer replies:
- No problem, just get that damn lion out of the way!

Jumper

For today I couldn't pick one out of these two images, so finally I've decided to upload 'em both!
The shot is from the sunday's football game Houston Dynamo vs Colorado Rapids (final score 1-0 for Dynamo)

Today's joke:

FAX: To My Dear Wife,

"You will surely understand that I have certain needs that being with a 54-year old you can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this fax, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be perturbed I shall be back home before midnight".

When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining room table. "My Dear Husband, I received your fax and thank you for your honesty. I too am very happy with you and value you as a good husband. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, my tennis coach, who like your secretary is also 18 years old.
As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of Math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference. 18 goes into 54 more often than 54 goes into 18. Therefore I will not be back until lunchtime tomorrow".

The Pro

A professional photographer taking shots during the Dynamo - Red Bulls soccer game.

Today's joke:

An old Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed:
- Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me.
- But grandpa, I really don't lika guns, says his grandson. Howz about you leava me your Rolex watch instead?
- Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business... you gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos. Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then... pointa to your watch and say 'Times up'?

Houston by Night (2)

This is another shot that I took that night in downtown... wish I had more views, but due to the balcony location, the sight was very limited... those two well lighted spots on the road (from bottom left to the middle of the image) are the tramway's stations.

Today's joke:

A doctor says to his patient:
- I've got good news and I've got bad news. The bad news is you're showing signs of being a homosexual.
- With bad news like that, what could be the good news? the patient asks.
- The good news is I think you're cute!

Glowing Downtown

That's another shot from Houston's downtown...

Today's joke... I got it yesterday and translated it...

Bill worked in a pickle factory.
One day he went to the sex therapist to talk about a serious matter
- Doc, it started about three weeks ago... I had an urge to stick my penis into the pickle slicer. I was obsessed about this. Nighttime I had nightmares dreaming about this, daytime same thing. Yesterday I couldn't hold it anymore and I did it!
- My God, Bill, what happened? asks the therapist.
- I got fired.
- And what happened with the pickle slicer?
- Oh...she got fired too!

The Green Visitor

I found this little guy in the backyard, and as you can see, he loved the photo session!


Boys and girls...

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

Full Moon

This shot was taken few days ago, here in Houston. Of course, the moon wasn't that big, so there comes the manipulation!


And here comes the joke of the day!

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed.
Regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless practical joker, sitting at his bed side.
He asked his brother how his wife was doing and his brother said:
- Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you!
The husband was thinking to himself: "Oh no, what has he done now?" and asked with some trepidation:
- Well, bro, what did you name them?
Whereupon, his brother replied:
- I named the little girl Denise!
The husband, relieved, said:
- That's a lovely name! And what did you come up with for my son?
The brother winked and replied:
- Denephew!

Got Lift?

Another photo manipulation... Maybe some of you already recognized the area, that's Houston...

Of course I got a joke, another old one from eastern Europe, during the communism era (or should I call it "the red terrorism era"?
The romanian president Ceausescu was talking to Brezhnev, the USSR's president.
Brezhnev says:
- My soldiers are the best soldiers in the world! They think first, then they act!
Ceausescu strikes back:
- Oh no, my soldiers are the best, they act first, then they think!
And so on, til they decided to put it on practice
Brezhnev calls one of his finest soldiers, and tells him:
- Alyosha, kick Ceausescu's butt!
Alyosha took the position to strike his target, but stops and thinks.
- What's the problem, Alyosha? Why didn't you do it? asks Brezhnev
- Well, he is our friend and I don't think we should kick him!
- Well done, my boy! says the soviet president.
Now comes Ceausescu's turn:
- Ion (romanian version for John), punch Brezhnev's face! orders Ceausescu.
Ion punched instantly his target, then he starts thinking.
- What are you thinking of? asks the romanian president.
- Well Sir, should I punch him one more time or not?