Flowers from the Backyard (3)

Back to the flowers! And as the title says, they're from the backyard... I guess y'all know this kind of flower and its tiny size...

Today's joke:

A man and his wife were doing yard work. The husband said to his wife:
- Gee, honey, your butt is as wide as the BBQ grill!
The wife ignores his remark.
A little later, the husband, measuring tape in hand, walked over to his wife. While she was bending over to tend to her flower bed, he measured her back side:
- Honey, your butt IS as wide as the grill!
She again ignores his remark.
Later that night, while in bed, the husband began to feel amorous. He starts to hug her and stroke her until the wife said:
- If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you're out of your mind!!!

Fisherman's Daughter

Welcome back to my blog! For today I got this mixture of two images, the girl which actually was sitting on a trampoline sticking her head through the net, while the background is from the Black Sea (Romania)

A short joke for today:

Q: Why Stalin killed his cat?
A: Because everytime when he was going to his office, he found the cat sitting on his desk, saying "mao"!

P.S. For those who don't know what/who "mao" means, it's about the former chinese leader, Mao Tze Dong, enemy of the soviet union, even if they were communists as well as the soviets.

Remembering a dictator

These are some postal stamps printed during Ceausescu's presidency, as part of his cult of personality. Probably in time the value of these stamps (which are in mint condition) will be a fortune...

Nicolae Ceausescu (January 26, 1918 – December 25, 1989) was the Secretary General of the Romanian Workers' Party, later the Romanian Communist Party from 1965 until 1989, President of the Council of State from 1967 and President of Romania from 1974 until 1989. His rule was marked in the first decade by an open policy towards Western Europe and United States of America, which deviated from that of the other Warsaw Pact states during the Cold War. His second decade was characterized by an increasingly erratic personality cult, extreme nationalism and a deterioration of the foreign relations with Western powers and also with the Soviet Union. After Ceausescu's government was overthrown in December 22, 1989, he was executed after a two-hour trial session by a military court (December 25, 1989).

Click here for more info about Nicolae Ceausescu.

Flowers from the Backyard (2)

If the flowers from the previous post were about the size of a penny, these flowers are about four times smaller... well, these ones are not something that I protect when I "ride" the lawn mower, they're just growing over night!


Today's joke:

Al and Joe two guys are bungee jumping one day. Al says to Joe:
- You know, we could make a lot of money renting our very own bungee-jumping service in Mexico. They don't have it down there!
Joe thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they'll need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, and all.
They travel down to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd, they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration to the large crowd below!
So Al jumps...
Al bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comesfback up, Joe notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Joe isn't able to catch him, and he goes down again, bounces, and comes back up. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, Joe misses him. Al falls again and bounces back up.This time, he is pretty messed up. He's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, Joe catches him this time and says:
- What happened? Was the cord too long?
Barely able to speak, Al gasps:
- No, the bungee cord was fine. It was the crowd. What the hell is a pinata?

Flowers from the Backyard

I took this shot few hours ago when it was nice and sunny... now it's raining like crazy, but anyway, now it's dark outside! The flower's size it's about the size of a penny, so I guess I can call this a close-up, isn't it? :D

Today's joke:

Two men are waiting at the gates of heaven and strike up a conversation.
- How did you die? the first man asks the second.
- I froze to death, says the second.
- That's awful, says the first man. How does it feel to freeze
to death?
- It's very uncomfortable at first, says the second man. You get
the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?
- I had a heart attack, says the first man. You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly but found her alone watching television. I ran around the house looking for her lover but could find no one. As I ran up the stairs to the attic, I had a massive heart attack and died.
The second man shakes his head.
- That's so ironic, he says.
- What do you mean? asks the first man.
- If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive!

Central Plaza

Central Plaza - City of Brasov, Romania
Postworked, of course... I just increased the colors tones and sharpened, then separately I changed the sky's hue, which actually was cloudy...

Today's joke:

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN

D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

ST. M O M M A' S W O R T H
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person . Can we get naked now?

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.


N A G A M E N T
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him

Packard

You guessed already, this is another "Woodward" shot, postworked in my photoshop...

Today's joke:

A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank. They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action. The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her:
- Now, do you remember what the plan is?"
The blonde sighed and replied:
- Yeah, yeah, I remember...
The brunette went over the plan once more and let the blonde out to do her stuff. Before the blonde could shut the door, the brunette yelled out:
- Be sure to be in and out in no more than 5 minutes!
The blonde ran inside and the brunette waited in the car... and waited... and waited... and waited... and waited. After waiting for so long in the car, the blonde bursts out of the bank's doors, the alarm blaring loud enough to wake everyone up. The blonde was lugging a bank safe behind her by a rope tied around it. A security guard ran out of the bank, his pants down around his ankles and attempting to reach his gun. The blonde breathed heavily as she tried to put the safe in the car but finally just gave up and dropped the safe behind. She ran into the passenger seat and pulled the door shut, the car already moving. The security guard yelled, "Stop! Stop!" while the pair drove off, leaving the safe with rope tied tightly around it behind. The brunette frantically asked the blonde:
- What the hell happened in there?!?
The blonde was panting and turned to the brunette and choked out:
- What do you mean? I followed the plan exactly!
The brunette paused and yelled:
- YOU IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TIE UP THE GUARD AND BLOW THE SAFE!

Houston by Night (2)

This is another shot that I took that night in downtown... wish I had more views, but due to the balcony location, the sight was very limited... those two well lighted spots on the road (from bottom left to the middle of the image) are the tramway's stations.

Today's joke:

A doctor says to his patient:
- I've got good news and I've got bad news. The bad news is you're showing signs of being a homosexual.
- With bad news like that, what could be the good news? the patient asks.
- The good news is I think you're cute!

Summer colors

While waiting for the summer, I found this shot from the summer of 2006... :)

Today's joke:

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with:
- My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.
- Very good, Suzie, replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael.
- My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully!
She said:
- Excellent, Michael!
Then the teacher reluctantly called on Tony.
- Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just f***ing beautiful!"

Butterfly On The Rocks

On the real rocks, not the drinking "rocks"... well, I followed the winged guy til he sat on the right spot, then pointed and captured it! This is a three years old picture, and as far as I remember at that time I was using a poor Kodak 850...

Today's joke:

John returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live. Given the prognosis, John asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, so they make love. About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says:
- Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?
- Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks:
- Honey, please... just one more time before I die.
She says:
- Of course, Dear, and they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over and falls to sleep. John, however, worried about his impending, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses.
- Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could...
At this point the wife sits up and says:
- Listen John, I have to get up in the morning... you don't!

Colors

I guess there's no need to specify which part of the year I took this shot!

Today's joke:

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like crazy. I guess I better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.
It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... a lot cheaper than a doctor."
So Joe puts a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurried back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results.
He deposited ten dollars, poured in his concoction, and awaited the results.
The computer then prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant, Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your tennis elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart

Raindrops

Three days in row he had just rain and cold... and this is a proof!

Today's joke:

An elderly priest made it a practice to visit the parish school once a week.
He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states could they name. They came up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that in his day, students knew the names of ALL the states.
One lad raised his hand and said:
- Yeah, but in those days there were only 13!

Houston by Night

Last night I helped a friend of mine to move in his new apartment, right in Houston's downtown, at 18th floor. Of course I didn't miss the opportunity to take some shots, even if the weather sucked (actually it still sucks - it's raining and it's cooold!)

Today's joke:

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home.
- I will have to go home and come back later.
The woman says:
- Unbutton your shirt!
So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair and she says:
- That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me, and she processed his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says:
- You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too!

Help!

Three little puppies looking for food in a gas station in Romania (city of Rm. Valcea). Shot taken back in '05

Today's joke:

A little Indian boy asked his father, the big chief and doctor of the tribe, "Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names - Bill, Tex or Sam, for example?" His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together and repeat their names from generation to generation. Also, it is part of our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive. For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake, because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake. Then there's your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and the life force of our people . It's very simple and easy to understand. Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in China?

Ready For Springtime

A shot that actually was taken durin the springtime, not waiting for it!

And a good joke... I guess!

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits Mexico. Two million Mexicans have died and over a million are injured.

The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with asking for help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock.
Canada is sending troopers to help the Mexican army control the riots.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
Other Latin American countries are sending supplies.
The European Union is sending food and money.
The United States, not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement Mexicans.

Old Times

They didn't clear Woodward Ave. to be available only for oldies, so there was all the time a mixture between oldies and brand new cars, making almost impossible to take a shot fulfilled with old cars only. And here it's one of those rare shots. Postworked for an older look!

Today's joke:

A couple was dressed and ready to go out into the city for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house.
They don't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.
Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty for the night. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon:
- He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my Mother!
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.
- Sorry I took so long, he says, as they drive away. Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me but it worked. I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!

Red Wings Fan

This guy has to be a real fan of the "Wings"... I took the shot last year at Woodward Dream Cruise, then cropped the limo, added a background which is another shot of the same vehicle, then I've created the floor and the vehicle shadow in my photoshop.

Today's joke:

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
- I May look like just an ordinary man, he said as he walked up to her, but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars!
The woman went home with Charles that evening, and three days later, she became his stepmother!

Eiscafe Venezia

A nice place where to take a rest while tasting a great "gelato" (ice cream - italian) or an excellent coffee, just next to the Rhein river. This ice cream & coffee shop is located in Engers, Germany, as I said, just by the Rhein river.

Got a joke too, an american one!

Al, Bill & Hillary die and stand before God.
The Lord addresses Al first:
- Al, what do you believe in?
Al replies:
- Well, I believe I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve. And I've come to understand that now.
God thinks for a second and says:
- Okay, very good. Come and sit at my left!
God then addresses Bill:
- Bill, what do you believe in?
Bill replies:
- believe in forgiveness. I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me.
God thinks for a second and says:
- You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right!
God then addresses Hillary:
- Hillary, my dear, what do you believe in?
- I believe you're in my chair!

After Storm

A shot taken in Illinois, when a huge storm was over... as you can see, I took this shot while driving...

Yesterday I made a new video clip with my recent posts, if you'd like to watch it, click here.
The song's sound (performed by a romanian band - Trio Express) was in a real bad shape, I had to work a little bit on its quality...

Today's joke:

English class.
The teacher asks a russian immigrant to compose a sentence.
The russian boy says:
- Dis veekend me go forest!
- That's not correct, says the teacher.
- Then me no go! answers the student.

The Return of the Great Greeny

He came back... Boots and Alley tried many times to catch him, but even at his size, he was faster... and he is back enjoying the warm sun of Texas!

Here's another joke:

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The blonde guy opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.
The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He fixed his own lunch!

Bran Castle by Night

This is another manipulation, of course! As you can see on the lower image, which is actually the original shot, I captured the castle during the day (For those who don't know, the castle is located in the city of Bran, pretty close to Brasov, a large city from Romania... hope you gonna like it!



Now, have you ever thought of learning chinese? Well, here's your first lesson!

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes!!!


(Must Read Out Loud)


1) That's not right………………………….Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harbouring a fugitive…………..Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP…………………………Kum Hia

4) Stupid Man……………………………….Dum Gai

5) Small Horse………………………………Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach…………………Wai Yu So Tan

7) I bumped the coffee table……………….Ai Bang Mai Ni

8) I think you need a face lift………………..Chin Tu Fat

9) It's very dark in here……………………Wai So Dim

10) I thought you were on a diet…………….Wai Yu Mun Ching

11) This is a tow away zone………………….No Pah King

12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week………WaiYu Kum Nao

13) Staying out of sight……………………..Lei Ying Lo

14) He's cleaning his automobile……………Wa Shing Ka

15) Your body odor is offensive…………….Yu Stin Ki Pu

The Blue Satellite

I have the feeling that I'm not done with this one, but my inspiration is gone for now... any ideas?

Today's joke:

A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too. He says to him, "Hey, this is a coincidence. We both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?" The other guy says, "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying, ‘I’d like two tickets to Pittsburgh’, I accidentally said ‘I’d like two pickets to Tittsburgh’., so she socked me a good one."
The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife, ‘Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey’. But I accidentally said, "You’ve ruined my life, you evil, self-centered, fat-assed bitch."

Autumnal Colors

Yeah, well, I know we're all waiting for the spring, but I had this shot waiting long enough to be posted! So here it is! That's a shot taken in November, last year...

Today's joke:

There was a man who worked for the Post Office... whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses .One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.
The letter read:

Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds,he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day,all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went. A few days later,another letter came from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:

Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
By the way, there was $4 missing. It must have been those thieving f**kers at the Post Office.
Sincerely, Edna

Star

That's nothing but an ordinary close-up, I just loved the way that flower was open, looking like a star...

Today's joke:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says:
- I'll give each of you just one wish!
- Me first! Me first! says the admin clerk. I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world!
Puff! She's gone.
- Me next! Me next! says the sales rep. I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my life!
Puff! He's gone.
- OK, you're up, the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says:
- I want those two back in the office after lunch!
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Check out my newest video clip!

Trio Express - A love over centuries (romanian)

Indian Head

I found it this morning while I was emptying my pockets... it looks like somebody gave it to me as change, and for sure it didn't pay attention to it! Well, following the Blue Book Handbook of U.S. Coins, it doesn't have a high value (it's worth $1.00), but as a coin collector, it has a higher value to me!

Today's joke:

An elderly american gentleman arrived in Paris by plane.
At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.
- You have been to France before, monsieur? the customs officer asked, sarcastically.
The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.
- Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.
The american said:
- The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it!
- Impossible, you americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!
The american senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look, then he quietly explained, "Well, when I came ashore on D Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to!

Instant Paparazzi

I couldn't find a better name for this shot, so here they are... instant paparazzi! They were shooting the bride's cake... of course after I did it first! As you can see, I couldn't stop myself capturing this moment!

Today's joke:

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist:
- Doc, I'm in one hell of a hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!
The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain." So the dentist ask him:
- Which tooth is it, sir?
The man turned to his wife and said:
- Open your mouth, Honey, and show him!

Check out my newest video clip!

Carmen Muresan - Lambada (portuguese)