Old England

Another shot from Paris, with its beautiful architecture. The building from this image is Le Grand Hotel, at first level it's Old England, a fashion store.

Today's joke:

Mrs. Johnson decided to have her own portrait painted by a very famous artist. She told the artist:
- Paint me with 3-carat diamond earrings, a large diamond necklace, glimmering emerald bracelets, and a beautiful red ruby pendant.
- But ma'am, you are not wearing any of those things!
- I know, said Mrs. Johnson. My health is not good, and my husband is having an affair with his secretary. When I die I'm sure he will marry her, and I want the bitch to go nuts looking for the jewelry...

Bucharest before Christmas

Well, I didn't know which one to pick, so I've decided to post both versions... the choice is your! I took this shot in december '07 in the romanian capital, Bucharest, just before Christmas. Of course, the moon was added by me, not by nature...

Today's joke:

One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church.

Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said:
- Don't you know who I am?
The man replied:
- Yep, sure do.
- Aren't you afraid of me? Satan asked.
- Nope, sure ain't, said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried:
- Why aren't you afraid of me?
The man calmly replied:
- Been married to your sister for over 48 years!

The Yellow Train

That's a 40 years old train, actually I can say 41 years old (it was built in '68), french made... been traveling in it and I can say it looks almost like a brand new one, and very comfortable too...

Today's joke:

Two blondes were talking over the phone
- You know, says the first one, my husband is in hospital, they extracted the appendix from him!
- What's that? asks the other blonde.
- Well, it's something small, very insignificant and non-useful thing , located bellow the belly! explains the first one.
- Oh, I got it! says the second blonde. I think I should do the same thing to my husband!

Innocence

She's the only child of some friends of mine from Florida... I took this shot over a year ago and perhaps some of you know it already, but what's new with it, I made blurry the background 'cause the shot was taken on a busy alley from Miami Beach...

Got some Q's for today... funny questions, though...

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
What do chickens think we taste like?
What do people in China call their good plates?
What do you call a male ladybug?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it?
Which is the other side of the street?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why don't they call mustaches "mouthbrows"?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Intrepidity

This is an older shot that I took while visiting the City of Luxembourg in 2006.

For today I picked some wisdom sayings...

Man who run in front of car get "tired".

Man who run behind car get "exhausted".

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

Man who fight with wife all day get nothing at night.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

Pollen

That's just another shot from the backyard, where bees are working hard to collect the pollen from the lime tree!

Here's the today's joke, but hey, that's sooo real...

Shortly after class, an economics student approaches his economics professor and says:
- I don't understand this stimulus bill. Can you explain it to me?
The professor replied:
- I don't have any time to explain it at my office, but if you come over to my house on Saturday and help me with my weekend project, I'll be glad to explain it to you.
The student agreed.
At the agreed-upon time, the student showed up at the professor's house. The professor stated that the weekend project involved his backyard pool.
They both went out back to the pool, and the professor handed the student a bucket. Demonstrating with his own bucket, the professor said:
- First, go over to the deep end, and fill your bucket with as much water as you can."
The student did as he was instructed.
The professor then continued:
- Follow me over to the shallow end, and then dump all the water from your bucket into it."
The student was naturally confused, but did as he was told.
The professor then explained they were going to do this many more times, and began walking back to the deep end of the pool.
The confused student asked:
- Excuse me, but why are we doing this?
The professor matter-of-factly stated that he was trying to make the shallow end much deeper.
The student didn't think the economics professor was serious, but figured that he would find out the real story soon enough. However, after the 6th trip between the shallow end and the deep end, the student began to become worried that his economics professor had gone mad. The student finally replied:
- All we're doing is wasting valuable time and effort on unproductive pursuits. Even worse, when this process is all over, everything will be at the same level it was before, so all you'll really have accomplished is the destruction of what could have been truly productive action!
The professor put down his bucket and replied with a smile:
- Congratulations. You now understand the stimulus bill!

The Blue Night

This is another manipulation, which actually I made it as cover for the new episode of "The Robinsons of Space"... the bottom of the image is a real picture from Wyoming, while the top was created in my Photoshop. Hope you'll like this one too...

Today's joke:

What says the woman:
- This place looks miserable! Let's clean it up together! All your things are laying on the floor and pretty soon you'll be naked if you don't wash your clothes right now!
What hears the man:
- Blah, blah, blah, LET'S, blah, blah, blah, TOGETHER, blah, blah, blah, LAYING ON THE FLOOR, blah, blah, blah, NAKED, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!

La Vie a Paris

Here another collage with images from Paris, a collage that tries to show the people of Paris... well, maybe most of them were tourists just like me! But it's fun walking on Paris's streets...

Today's joke:

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C., one from Illinois, one from Tennessee and a third one from Kentucky. They all go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Tennessee contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil:
- Well, he says, I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.
The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says:
- I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.
The Illinois contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers:
- $2,700.
The official, incredulous, whispers back:
- You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?
The Illinois contractor whispers back:
- $1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire that guy from Kentucky to fix the fence!
- Done! replies the government official. And that my friends, is how it all works!!!

The Race Is On

This one is a "three-in-one" image... the main image is from the village of Moeciu (Romania), a very beautiful and quiet place from the Carpathian Mtns, while the cars are from two different shot that I took last year at the Woodward Dream Cruise. Also, I added that "Moeciu" sign on that hill, sort of Hollywood style... :D

Got a joke too:

A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.
The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.
The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeckable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.
The two flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeckable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.
Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?
After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:
Apparently, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home!

Diana

She is my niece and she hates me as well as Boots and Alley when she sees me with my camera!
But she loves the results! This image is composed outta two pictures, the background is actually a macro of a red rose, I just had to change its hue to match with Diana's shirt!

Got a real funny joke:

A Michigan State trooper pulled a car over on US 23 about 2 miles north of the Michigan/Indiana State line. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Ft. Wayne , IN to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.
The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.
While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunken good old boy from Michigan got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in. The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied:
- You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain't no way I can pass that test!

Glowing Downtown

That's another shot from Houston's downtown...

Today's joke... I got it yesterday and translated it...

Bill worked in a pickle factory.
One day he went to the sex therapist to talk about a serious matter
- Doc, it started about three weeks ago... I had an urge to stick my penis into the pickle slicer. I was obsessed about this. Nighttime I had nightmares dreaming about this, daytime same thing. Yesterday I couldn't hold it anymore and I did it!
- My God, Bill, what happened? asks the therapist.
- I got fired.
- And what happened with the pickle slicer?
- Oh...she got fired too!

Springtime Signs

The little fella from the image was hanging around the lime tree yesterday, which was a good reason for me to grab my camera and take several shots. Unfortunately, he was checking only the flowers from the upper side of the tree, so I couldn't get a real great image of him...

Ladies, here's the joke!

Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:


Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store


PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

The Red Invader

A shot that I took few days ago in the backyard... the little invader saw me and he started playing around, I mean he was trying to hide, moving from a side to the other one on that leaf. Finally I guess he realized I mean no harm to him, then he stood for about a minute, enough for me to take several shots...

Here a joke... well, they say it's a true Louisiana story...

This happened about six months ago just outside of Cocodrie, a little town in the bayou country of Louisiana, and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's real.
This out of state traveler was on the side of the road, hitchhiking on a real dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by.
It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face. Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped.
Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped in the car and closed the door; only then did he reali ze that there was nobody behind the wheel and no sound of an engine to be heard over the rain. Again the car crept slowly forward and the guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running.
The guy saw that the car was approaching a sharp curve and still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and in the bayou and he would surely drown!
But just before the curve a shadowy figure appeared at the driver's window and a hand reached in and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Then, just as silently, the hand disappeared through the window and the hitchhiker was al one again!
Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally the guy, scared to near death, had all he could take and jumped out of the car and ran to town.
Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey, then told everybody about his supernatural experience.
A silence enveloped and everybody got goose bumps when they realized the guy was telling the truth (and not just some drunk).
About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and one says to the other,
- Look Boudreaux, ders dat idiot that rode in our car when we wuz pushin it in the rain.

Sleeping Like An Angel

Yep, that's Alley! He was sleeping on the porch when I "captured" him...

Today's joke:

A guy meets the actual husband of his ex-wife, and asks him:
- Hey, how it works with a second-hand stuff?
- Oh, it's just fine, my friend! After the first two inches she's just like a brand new one!

Forever yours

Happy Valentine's Day!
Shot taken in november, last year, by the Lake St. Clair (Michigan)

And now a joke about the same subject...

A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says:
- Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together!
- I know, the old man said, we were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago...
- Well, Granny snickered, let's relive some old times!
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
- You know honey, the little old lady breathlessly replied, my nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago!
- I wouldn't be surprised, replied her husband, one's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!

Waiting for the springtime

A blooming tree from Michigan... I took this shot sometimes in April '07...

Here's another joke about Texas...

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said:
- Wow, these seats are big!
The person next to him answered:
- Everything is big in Texas!
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed:
- Wow these mugs are big!
The bartender replied:
- Everything is big in Texas!
After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied:
- Second door to the right!
The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting:
- Don't flush, don't flush

Yellooooooow!

Hmm... this shot has to be about one year old... hope you gonna like it 'cause the subject for the rest of the week will be "flowers"!

Here's a funny logical talk:

Two rednecks, Jimbo and Bubba, are sitting at their
favorite bar, drinking beer. Jimbo turns to Bubba and
says, 'You know, I'm tired of going through life
without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to
the Community College and sign up for some classes.'

Bubba thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave.

The next day, Jimbo goes down to the college and meets
Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four
basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.

'Logic?' Jimbo says. 'What's that?'

The dean says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you own
a weed eater?'

'Yeah.'

'Then logically speaking, because you own a weed
eater, I think that you would have a yard.'

'That's true, I do have a yard.'

'I'm not done,' the dean says. 'Because you have a
yard, I think logically that you would have a house.'

'Yes, I do have a house.'

'And because you have a house, I think that you might
logically have a family.'

'Yes, I have a family.'

'I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then
logically you must have a wife. And because you have
a wife, then logic tells me you must be a
heterosexual.'

'I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able
to find out all of that because I have a weed eater.'

Excited to take the class now, Jimbo shakes the Dean's
hand and leaves to go meet Bubba at the bar. He tells
Bubba about his classes, how he is signed up for Math,
English, History, and Logic.

'Logic?' Bubba says, 'What's that?'

Jimbo says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you have a
weed eater?'

'No.'

'Then you're Gay.'

Poppy Field

This is a mixture of two shots, one from North Carolina - which actually it was in a rest area from I-77, just north of Charlotte, and the other one from Romania.

Got a joke too!

A guy comes to an auto shop with a badly damaged car, asking the mechanic to fix it. The mechanic takes a look at that pile of junk, and while scratching his head, asks the guy:
- What happened?
- Well, my wife hit a tree, answers the guy.
- How many times?

Two Wheelers

The best way to move faster in a busy town are the bicycles. Some people think bicycles are too big, so they found a different way to use those two wheels. Yep, that's another shot from Paris.

And now the today's joke:

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer,wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer. The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it.
The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a very surprised look, so the nun said:
- This is for washing our hair!
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer, and tells her:
- The curlers are on me!

Looking in a wrong direction

Hey girls, I'm right behind you! Oh boy... yes, that's another shot from Paris, by the Seine river.

Got a joke too... somehow related to Paris!

On a flight from New York to Paris, soon after take-off the pilot announces:
- I'm sorry, but we have lost one of our engines. Subsequently, we will arrive in Paris approximately half an hour late.
A few minutes later, he comes on again:
- Hate to disappoint you folks, but another engine is down. Don't panic - we've still got two going, but now we'll be about 2 hours late.
After another few minutes, he comes on again:
- Look, I am really sorry about this, but somehow we have lost our third engine. Still nothing serious to worry about, but we will be about five hours late to Paris.
After hearing this, the blonde turns to the guy sitting next to him and remarks:
- If we lose the other one, we'll be up here all night!

Eiffel Tower at Night

I don't know if during the winter time they do the same show, but when I was there last summer, I saw a magnificent light show offered by the Paris' symbol, The Eiffel Tower.
Here, in this shot which actually was taken at dusk, I made that tower look like the lights were really turned on.


Got a joke too... well, I had to translate it...

A big truck hits a wagon pulled by a horse, transforming it into a ball of metal and wood. The horse, as well as the only passenger from the wagon were badly injured. When the policeman came to investigate the accident, when he saw the injured horse in a huge pain, he pulled his gun and in an access of mercy, he shoots the horse, then he goes to the passenger, asking him:
- Sir, are you ok?
The passenger, who saw the shooting scene, says:
- Oh God, I never felt so good!

J'aime Paris

Howdy y'all!
Aren't y'all tired of these shots from Paris? If not, here's another one, well, actually 6 in 1!
Wish y'all a beautiful weekend!

Got a joke too:

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies:
- I'm blonde, I'm smart and I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica!
The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says:
- I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica!
The stewardesses don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the co-pilot. The co-pilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the co-pilot what he said to get her to move. The co-pilot replies:
- I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica!

Place de la Concorde

Here's the Concorde Plaza, the place where finally I found a spot to park my car! I didn't know where exactly was I, but I spotted it, turned 180 degrees, crossing right in front of a police car, and parked it! Well, that cop took a strange look at me, but probably due to my german license plates, didn't take any action! As you see this image, I was parked on the right side of the image... pretty central, isn't it? :D

Got a joke too:

I gonna watch my wedding video later on... backwards! 'Coz I love the end bit where she takes the ring off her finger, goes back down the aisle, jumps in the car... and disappears forever!

Riders Wanted

Hello everyone!
Here's another shot from Paris (many thanks for your comments and favs on my Armani thing!), shot that I took while wandering on its beautiful streets.
I am kinda disappointed this morning... my freaky external memory just died, and I'm afraid I lost everything what's on it... but even so, here's another joke!

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said:
- You're beautiful!
Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said:
- You're cute.
The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful", it was now "cute".
She asked:
- What happened to "beautiful"?
The man replied:
- The drugs are wearing off!

The Armani Code

Today's upload is a shot from Paris... last night I was reviewing my pictures from the french capital and believe me, the feeling that I had last night I didn't have it when I was right there, in Paris... well, I miss Paris!

Today's joke is here!

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear,
I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.
I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.
I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'
I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage..
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges.
He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return.
He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant.
I observe him communicating with the guards regularly.
I am certain that he reports my every move.
My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.

For now.........

Oh no, not you again!

Hello everyone!
I took this shot about the same day when I captured that little green fella, and as you can see, Alley and Boots were sooo happy to meet my camera!!!
Wish y'all a wonderful day!

Here's another joke, well, it's not about cats but their enemies, the dogs!

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked:
- Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?
Father Patrick replied:
- I'm afraid not, we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature!
Muldoon said:
- I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?
Father Patrick exclaimed:
- Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?

The Green Visitor

I found this little guy in the backyard, and as you can see, he loved the photo session!


Boys and girls...

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

Guess Who

Just finished this one... it took me a little over an hour to do it... but I'll let you guess who she is! Well, I don't wanna be mean, so I'll give you a hint:

Black eyes, I don't need 'em
Blue tears, gimme freedom
Positively never goin' back
I won't live where things are so out of whack

About the composition, there's a mixture of two pictures and lots of work in PIP10


And now the today's joke:

Last New Year's Eve, one woman stood up at the local tavern and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

It was embarrassing - The bartender was almost crushed to death.

The Secret City

This upload is a mixture between two shots that I took from the plane, different flights, one over Atlantic, and one just before landing at Detroit Metro. Yes, that's downtown Detroit seen from the plane. The rest of it was done in PIP10...

Got a joke too:

Hung Chow calls into work and says:
- Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.
The boss says:
- You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and make love to her. That makes everything better and I go to work. You should try that!
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again:
- I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon........ You got nice house, boss!

Naked

This is another shot that I took at that Texas farm where I've been few weeks ago. I didn't do much work on it, the tree did the most of it!

Speaking about emptiness, here's another joke:

Little John was having his diner, when he asks his father:
- Dad, what's an atomic bomb?
- Well son, says his father, do you see the food on the table?
- Yes!
- Well, if one of those darn bombs explode, the food will be standing where it is right now, but we'll disappear!
After few minutes the son asks again:
- Dad, what's that communism?
- Well son, do you see the food on the table?
- Yes, dad!
- Well, in communism we will be standing where we are, but the food will disappear!

Clio

Here I got this car, my "bijou" (jewel - eng.) that I had while traveling two years ago in Europe. It wasn't a brand new car, actually it was kinda oldie, a '99 or '00, but running excellent. I created the background in my photoshop.

And speaking about travelers, here's another joke:

A hungry tourist knocks at the "George and the Dragon" Inn's door in the middle of the night.
A woman opens the door and asks him what he wants.
- I'd love a warm room and some food, please! says the tourist.
- We don't have, replied the woman, visibly upset because she was disturbed.
- How about just the room? insists the tourist.
- We don't have, she repeats her answer and slams the door.
The tourist knocks again. Same woman cracks the door and says:
- Now what do you want?
- May I talk to George?

Shooter

For this post I got these captures with real Texas shooters... I took these shots last weekend when I went to the shooting range, in Friendswood, TX
Many thanks for your comments and favs on my yesterday's post. About that ('cause some of you were confused), no, it wasn't my wedding, I've been there only for the pictures!

OK, now related to these shooters, I got this joke (got it from a RR member - thanks, Alina!)

Two cowboys walk in a saloon. Let's say #1 and #2
1: - Do ya see that cowboy with the big brown hat?
2: - Which one, 'cause all of them are wearing brown hats?
1: - The one with the leather jacket!
2: - Which one, 'cause everyone has leather jacket?
1: - The one with leather gloves and two pistols!
2: - Well, everyone has leather gloves and two pistols...
The first one grabbed his guns and started shooting everyone except one guy, then he pointed at the only guy alive:
- That one!
2: - Oh, I see! What's the problem with him?
1: - Well, I hate him to death!

Ready For The Wedding

This post is a shot that I took last month in Windsor, Ontario. I had to do some work on it, removing some unwanted parts, changhing the window's color, etc. Well, it's been a while since I prepared it for posting but I wasn't sure if I want to post this one or not, because I'm afraid you won't like it and I would hate to fail y'all!

OK, here's a joke that I just received it in mail from a friend of mine:

Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other:
- I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling!
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked:
- What are you sellin' here?
One of the men replied sarcastically:
- We're selling a**holes!
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said:
- You're doing well. Only two left!

Seniors - don't mess with them!

Fly High

This post is composed outta three pictures, the clouds while flying over Atlantic, the plane that actually was landing (I had to remove its landing gears), and the large Texas moon!


And now, ladies and gentlemen, the today's joke!

An worried father was waiting late in the night for his son. Finally he arrives home, and the father tells him:
- Where have been? Do you know what time it is?
- Dad, today I lost my virginity!
- Oh, but that's great! Let's have a seat and let's drink for the event! says his father
- We can have a drink, but I can't sit!

G'morning, Tennessee!

A shot from Tennessee... I was traveling on US-23 and here I stopped in a rest area, not to rest but to take some shots! I don't remember exactly where about on 23, but it was close to VA state line...


Here comes the joke!

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards...
The man, who was a priest, said:
- I am a Father!
The little boy replied:
- My Dad doesn't wear his collar like that!
The priest looked up from his book and answered:
- I am the Father of many!
The boy said:
- My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that
way...
The priest, getting impatient, said:
- I am the Father of hundreds! and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said:
- Maybe you should use a condom and wear your pants backwards instead of your collar!

(When) Mountain Comes to Town

OK, this post is a mixture of two pictures, the buildings are from the city of Sighisoara, while the mountain is from Predeal area - both from Romania. If I remember well, this one was my first work combining more pics into a single one...

And of course, here's another joke!

A woman walks into a social worker office, followed by her 15 kids.
- Wow, says the social worker, all of them are yours?
- Yes, they're all mine, answers the woman.
She turns around staring at the kids and says "Sacha, sit down", and all of them conformed her command.
- So, let's start with the paperwork, says the worker. Tell me their names, please!
- This one, the tall one is Sacha, says the woman.
- OK, the next one? asks the worker.
- The blonde one is Sacha, says the woman pointing at him with her finger.
The worker got a little confused, but continued filling all the papers, and discovered that all the kids were named Sacha.
Finally the worker says:
- OK, I see all of them got the same name!
- Yes, answers their mom, it's much easier for me to communicate with them. In the morning I have to say just once "Sacha, wake up!", or "Sacha, the diner is ready!". Naming all of them with the same name was the best idea I ever had!
The social worker thinks for few seconds, then asks:
- OK, but what do ya do when you want to call only one particular kid?
- Oh, that's simple, says the woman. I call him by his last name!

A Little Piece of Heaven

This is mixture between an image from Key West and one with the Carpathian Mountains... hope you gonna like this one too!

Of course, I got another joke:

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa , taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost.. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly:
- Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
- Whew! says the leopard. That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says:
- Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says:
- Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!
Moral of this story....
Don't mess with old guys... age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!

Road Closed

Just another manipulation using five different pictures, plus the help of PIP10!


And speaking about photography, I got a good one:

Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut!

Get Outta My Way!

I took this shot few years ago by the Lake St Clair, with my old Minolta 35mm camera, using a 200mm lens.


The joke is here!

An Italian walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to Italy on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Italian hands over the keys to a new Ferrari.
The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. The Italian produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Italian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Italian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says:
- Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this Transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?
The Italian replies:
- Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?

Southwest

Many planes that are landing at Hobby's... and here's one of 'em!


Got a joke too!

After a UN high-level conference, some presidents are chatting:
The russian president, Putin, says:
- I got 12 bodyguards and I know one of 'em is trying to kill me, but I don't know which one...
Basescu, the romanian president says:
- I got 12 ministers, and I heard rumors that one of 'em deserves to be minister, but I don't know which one...
Bill Clinton says:
- I got 12 intern females, and I heard one of 'em got AIDS, but I don't know which one...

Traces on the Sky

Speaking about skies, I post today this collage of three images that I took back in july '05 while walking by the ocean in Hollywood, Florida. I saw that strange line on the sky, a perfect one that was cutting the clouds. There was no way to be from the sun, 'cause the sun was in the opposite side. I sent these pictures to different TV stations and specialists, but nobody had an answer. Probably neither you, but I just wanted to share these images. I recommend y'all to see the large version...

Now is time for today's joke:

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.
- You all have obsessions, he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said:
- You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy!
He turned to the second Mom, Ann:
- Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny!
He turned to the third Mom, Joyce:
- Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy!
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered:
- Come on, Dick, we're leaving. Your brothers Peter and Willy are waiting for us!

Full Moon

This shot was taken few days ago, here in Houston. Of course, the moon wasn't that big, so there comes the manipulation!


And here comes the joke of the day!

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed.
Regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless practical joker, sitting at his bed side.
He asked his brother how his wife was doing and his brother said:
- Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you!
The husband was thinking to himself: "Oh no, what has he done now?" and asked with some trepidation:
- Well, bro, what did you name them?
Whereupon, his brother replied:
- I named the little girl Denise!
The husband, relieved, said:
- That's a lovely name! And what did you come up with for my son?
The brother winked and replied:
- Denephew!

A Cheap Circus

My protest against all the abusive laws anti-smokers!


And here's another joke:

Just wanted to send you this Warning and to be on the Lookout !
There's absolutely no cause for Alarm.
This is just to prepare you for the Event.


I thought you would want to know about this virus.
Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one.
It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1960.
Symptoms:
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail.
3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.
4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished.
7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND."
8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "
DELETE."

IT IS CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS."

The Blue River

Actually it's River Geoagiu, and the place where I took this shot is by the Rametz Monastery (Romania).

And now laughing time (for some of us maybe not...)!

G.W. Bush was driving alone through the sharp curves of Rockies. At once, he lost the control over his vehicle and crashes into a deep precipice. But a young boy witnessed the event and helps the president. When he was done, and the prez was safe, the prez tells him:
- You saved my life! I must reward you for that... just tell me what you want, and you'll have it! Want money? Want homes? Want cars? A job at the White house?
The boy says:
- No Sir, thank you! All what I want is a nice coffin!
- What?!? yells the prez. What for do you need a coffin? You young and strong, and you look very healthy to me...
- Yes Sir, that's true, but when my parents will figure out what I did today, they'll kill me!

Got Lift?

Another photo manipulation... Maybe some of you already recognized the area, that's Houston...

Of course I got a joke, another old one from eastern Europe, during the communism era (or should I call it "the red terrorism era"?
The romanian president Ceausescu was talking to Brezhnev, the USSR's president.
Brezhnev says:
- My soldiers are the best soldiers in the world! They think first, then they act!
Ceausescu strikes back:
- Oh no, my soldiers are the best, they act first, then they think!
And so on, til they decided to put it on practice
Brezhnev calls one of his finest soldiers, and tells him:
- Alyosha, kick Ceausescu's butt!
Alyosha took the position to strike his target, but stops and thinks.
- What's the problem, Alyosha? Why didn't you do it? asks Brezhnev
- Well, he is our friend and I don't think we should kick him!
- Well done, my boy! says the soviet president.
Now comes Ceausescu's turn:
- Ion (romanian version for John), punch Brezhnev's face! orders Ceausescu.
Ion punched instantly his target, then he starts thinking.
- What are you thinking of? asks the romanian president.
- Well Sir, should I punch him one more time or not?

Sadness

This one is the last picture from the Detroit Zoo mini-series I intended to post. Of course I got more, but it's time for a change... hmm, where did I hear that "change" word before... hehe...

And yes, here's another joke, somehow related to the one posted earlier...

Benny goes to his father and tells him:
- Dad, I love Juan!
His father, stunned when he hears that, says:
- But son, that's not right...
- Dad, I love Juan and I wanna marry him! insists Benny.
- But son, that's totally wrong...
- What makes you believe that? asks Benny
- Juan is mexican!

I Won't Talk to You!

For this post I picked a maccaw (hope I'm not wrong about his race!) who was kinda mean to me, every time when I was trying to point my camera toward him, he was turning his back on me! But I had more patience than him and here he is!


...and of course here's another joke:

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and damage the status of the family, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying:
- Oh mom! You don't have to worry! I'm dating Susan!

The Bambi Band

Hello everyone!
Many thanks for your comments on my lazy lioness (not a tigress, as some of you thought)!
I got here a bunch of bambies (that's the way the professional drivers are calling a deer!)

Of course, I got a new joke!

Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand.
After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a blood-curdling scream. He rushes back to Jerry and yells:
- I thought I told you to be quiet!
Jerry says:
- Hey, I tried. I really did. When those snakes crawled over me, I didn't make a sound. When that bear was breathing down my neck, I didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up my pants leg and said "Should we take them with us or eat them here?" I couldn't keep quiet any more!

Where's the Room Service?

Here's another shot from Detroit Zoo... she was kinda a far from visitors, and didn't have any intention to come any closer...


And now a short farm story:

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.
- Not yet, said the little boy.
His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
- How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal? he asks.
- Well, his mother says, I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon, for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so, for a week you aren't getting any milk!
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat as he's walking into the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says:
- Are you going to tell him, or should I?